The first six months' time of the journey...

It has been six months or so since I began to step into this challenging journey. It is pretty late but so much better than not to look back the road I have travelled now to see what has become part of me and what has slipped through my fingers.

The road I have taken is pretty windy. I could never see what was ahead of me, whether I would come to a slippery path or a flowering garden. Several times, I expected to be welcome by Cynthia for smart ideas I had spent the whole night before to mould and lacquer them, and the subsequent morning turned out to be a mediocre one with critique and repairs. Is that true that what we dedicated is what we treasure? These challenges taught me the lesson of "emotion regulation" (I coined this word). I shouldn't be so expecting, and be more open to embrace even the harshest spell of cold, since I will always get more immune from collapse after that harshness.

The road I have taken is a multi-lane road, like a fork. It is quite tricky that when you come to the end of a path, you are in the junction of a several paths. Making decisions is always challenging, and making informed decision is far too challenging. I am not as determined now as Robert Frost, who could decide to take the road less traffic. I cannot make any decisions to take any road yet at this time, since I'm not informed about which road has less traffic. I owe my gratitude to Cynthia for teaching me how to envision the potential road and how to get informed before I can take any of the roads ahead. Not going, pausing, thinking, reflecting, critiqueing, all are crucial at this stage, when I am in the junction of a multi-lane road.

The road I have taken is full of love and passion all the time. This sounds fabulous, but is not always so to me. When you are loved, you are cared, and you are secured for the best. This does not mean hugs and kisses, tenderness and indulgement. Rarely. What do you as a parent often do to your kid to mean your love? The Vietnamese saying that sounds a little non-educational but is true " spare the rod and spoil the child" speaks all in this sense. Many times I had to suffer to love and be loved. I understand that suffering means and is meant good, but it is still suffering when I have not passed it. What were they? I made my son go to school when he craved for more sleeping. I made him eat what I thought best food for him when he hated it. I had to search and search and re-search for what I did not know whether it would serve my study. I struggled with wording my paper for what turned out to be nonsense. More and more... They are not sufferings now, when I have experienced them and look back, because I can see love and passion reflected through, and because I get more energy from them to grow up.

At the end of the day, spring has tenderly come to campus and the city. Early spring this year makes a difference. I get more confidence being out in the sun and facing any harshness this weather change may cause.