No special feeling is my feeling on these days. Like a piece of cheese cake, Xmas sometimes melts every piece of me like what an ice-cream does to a kid and some other times pushes me away due to its overtasteful flavour of too much cheese, sugar, and fat. I choose to surround me everyday in this tranquille room with books and the computer and no humans and to step out of the crowd and gorgeousness of Xmas getting fuller and fuller every corner of the downtown. Stepping out and diving in is offset and thus brings me peace and balance. This style grows well in me.
Christmas is the time to be surrounded with joy, family and friends. I can hold this fact true for me when I want. On the one hand, Christmas is originally Christian. We are to a great extent not used to things like church practice, carols, turkey, pavlova, Xmas tree decoration, holly, Santa Claus and other religious things. As a matter of fact, we seem to be ignorant of those things. To us, Christmas does not ever mean those things. On the other hand, the spirit of Christmas giving speaks more. I have learned through Christmas the lesson of giving and more importantly the power of belief in Santa Claus children possess. I prefer having Christmas this way.
(The following paragraph is written after Christmas.)
Our first Christmas in this country is not very overwhelming both materially and spiritually. We have had a peaceful time with family and a few friends. Kiwi people around us are not so noisy the way it is often seen at parties. They are interestingly very home-oriented. That is what we love from a kiwi Christmas.
Monday, 13 December 2010
Monday, 15 November 2010
Small word ignites big work
This entry is to capture my feeling when it is most vivid and truthful about my supervisors, since any delay may blur the sharp vividness.
Before this entry can go any further, a few initial words should be devoted for an explanation of the title I have just thought of. The words I got from my supervisors are not small, and the work ignited is not as big as the language may imply. What is meant is the empowerment my supervisors' saying brings to me. A great contrast of the signifier, language, and the signified, content, is found in their saying.
Imagery words speak much to me. Such metaphors used by my supervisors as diet, flavour, planting tree, fishing,etc. convey meanings far richer than they are intended. A wealth of lessons I learnt ranges from things in my research field to communication etiquette. Beyond the sounds of language (the audio signifier), silence, pausing, pacing, and intervals between stretches of utterance do touch my senses and nurture my mind. What if people do not hold a healthy perspective toward life, a rich wealth of knowledge in their expertise and life alike, a beautiful mind and soul, optimistic beliefs, respect to themselves and others, and passion could produce flowery language? Fragrance is not necessarily what all kinds of flowers possess, I believe.
Critical to this kind of empowerment the supervision brings to me is what and how much I can translate the nuance and essence of my supervisors' saying into my behaviour and action, and how I pass the 'fire' in me to my students/participants.
How do people say what they mean and mean what they don't say?
Before this entry can go any further, a few initial words should be devoted for an explanation of the title I have just thought of. The words I got from my supervisors are not small, and the work ignited is not as big as the language may imply. What is meant is the empowerment my supervisors' saying brings to me. A great contrast of the signifier, language, and the signified, content, is found in their saying.
Imagery words speak much to me. Such metaphors used by my supervisors as diet, flavour, planting tree, fishing,etc. convey meanings far richer than they are intended. A wealth of lessons I learnt ranges from things in my research field to communication etiquette. Beyond the sounds of language (the audio signifier), silence, pausing, pacing, and intervals between stretches of utterance do touch my senses and nurture my mind. What if people do not hold a healthy perspective toward life, a rich wealth of knowledge in their expertise and life alike, a beautiful mind and soul, optimistic beliefs, respect to themselves and others, and passion could produce flowery language? Fragrance is not necessarily what all kinds of flowers possess, I believe.
Critical to this kind of empowerment the supervision brings to me is what and how much I can translate the nuance and essence of my supervisors' saying into my behaviour and action, and how I pass the 'fire' in me to my students/participants.
How do people say what they mean and mean what they don't say?
Monday, 1 November 2010
As a researcher 4
I wish my research area was something about art, or poetry, or design, or music,... something artful, creative, and imaginary. Why do I have such an idea? Because I am surrounded with a wealth of beautiful nature so inspirational and appealing that I can't help being distracted to embrace it with all my senses.
The birds are singing inviting songs, the trees are dancing, the flowers are catwalking on the nature's fashion stage, the breeze is rustling the book in an appealing way, the flower fragrance is overwhelming my senses, the fresh air is caressing my skin, the infinitive blue is soothing my vision, all of them are far too tempting and seducing in front of a me so diligently digging a dark and winding tunnel. No-one would resist to rush out there embracing such beauties and indulge herself. A researcher like me in this climate would like very much to translate those potential strong motives into her research. I am in a good mood, motivated, life-loving, soulful and mindful, but, unfortunately all of the good qualities are being confronted by the reality: my research!!! I am deep in the saying of my supervisor for a PhD student, wrapped compactly in DEAR, Drop Everything And Read! This does not work for me I believe.
The study of the person-in-context relational view of emergent motivation (Ushioda, 2009) speaks much in this situation of mine. Just like a second language learner is not an abstract entity separated from a complex backgound and history and a multitude of characteristics, a me doing research is not a me separated from the beautiful and seducing context of spring in full blossom. The interactive relationship between factors in the multiple system of contexts in which the person inherently belong to makes up her behaviour and the world.
I can't help separating me from this multiple context to drop everything and read! How do I make the motivation emerge? How do I translate the emerging motivation into my behaviour? How do I make all the beauties surrounding me the yeast for the blossom of my research?
The birds are singing inviting songs, the trees are dancing, the flowers are catwalking on the nature's fashion stage, the breeze is rustling the book in an appealing way, the flower fragrance is overwhelming my senses, the fresh air is caressing my skin, the infinitive blue is soothing my vision, all of them are far too tempting and seducing in front of a me so diligently digging a dark and winding tunnel. No-one would resist to rush out there embracing such beauties and indulge herself. A researcher like me in this climate would like very much to translate those potential strong motives into her research. I am in a good mood, motivated, life-loving, soulful and mindful, but, unfortunately all of the good qualities are being confronted by the reality: my research!!! I am deep in the saying of my supervisor for a PhD student, wrapped compactly in DEAR, Drop Everything And Read! This does not work for me I believe.
The study of the person-in-context relational view of emergent motivation (Ushioda, 2009) speaks much in this situation of mine. Just like a second language learner is not an abstract entity separated from a complex backgound and history and a multitude of characteristics, a me doing research is not a me separated from the beautiful and seducing context of spring in full blossom. The interactive relationship between factors in the multiple system of contexts in which the person inherently belong to makes up her behaviour and the world.
I can't help separating me from this multiple context to drop everything and read! How do I make the motivation emerge? How do I translate the emerging motivation into my behaviour? How do I make all the beauties surrounding me the yeast for the blossom of my research?
Tuesday, 12 October 2010
Taking a road
"Taking the road less travelled" speaks much to me. It has been recently that I began to understand layers of meaning of that sentence from Robert Frost. At the end of the day, I have decided the research topic that I can find a strong genuine interest in studying. Reflecting on the 'at the junction' time, when I was not determined where to go, which road to take, I am much pleased now about my choice. I will study about one's self and identity, the development and fluidity of self and identity in L2 motivation, and case study is the research strategy of inquiry. Since humans are mysterious, studying the innermost image of a person to understand why s/he behaves this way not that one is very interesting and challenging.
...
(3 weeks later)
I am continuing this entry for the sake of a complete one because anyway I want to 'celebrate' the moment of being able to 'take the road'.
This entry turns out to be an ugly piece of cake due to the breakdown in the middle. Life is not always a delicious piece of cake if we master the recipe of making the cake and we have a strong belief. Resonating with this fact about life is this very moment, when ideas are flooding in my head but I am struggling with encoding them so that I can communicate with people what the ideas are and how smart (I believe) they are. Eventually, being able to 'take a road' is not something worth celebrating because it is not an end but a beginning.
I am beginning to go on my chosen road...
...
(3 weeks later)
I am continuing this entry for the sake of a complete one because anyway I want to 'celebrate' the moment of being able to 'take the road'.
This entry turns out to be an ugly piece of cake due to the breakdown in the middle. Life is not always a delicious piece of cake if we master the recipe of making the cake and we have a strong belief. Resonating with this fact about life is this very moment, when ideas are flooding in my head but I am struggling with encoding them so that I can communicate with people what the ideas are and how smart (I believe) they are. Eventually, being able to 'take a road' is not something worth celebrating because it is not an end but a beginning.
I am beginning to go on my chosen road...
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
As a researcher 3
The book 'Research methods in applied linguistics' of Zoltan Dornyei published in 2007 by Oxford University Press is a great source of inspiration and encouragement for me. Before reading the book, I often questioned my research ability and doubted if I would do research well due to my little research experience. More seriously, i almost did not know what would particularly be involved in my research plus what it means by a system of research terminology many books, research articles and my supervisors keep talking about. What my research study would be like if it was fuelled with my (fake) curiosity and labour of a mislead 'well-digger' like me? Frankly, my research paradigm (qualitative)and inquiry strategy(case study) were pre-developed packages coming into being with very little understanding, knowledge, and deliberation of mine. Ironically, I was keeping labouring day by day with a kind of frustration-becoming-satisfaction due to a shortage of knowledge of an easy-going idiot, until I came across Dornyei's book. It is such an enlightenment the book brings me.
The notion of 'good enough mother' or 'good enough parent' introduced by Winnicott (1965, cited by Dornyei, 2007) opens my eyes and triggers my 'research mind'. You dont have to be a 'Supermum' or 'Superdad' to produce a healthy child! Such a fabulous fact! I am an actual mom, and I thoroughly understand what it means by producing a healthy child without necessarily being a supermom, because it is as clear as the daylight that I am a normal mom who produces a very healthy son. I have to confess I have fallen in love with Dornyei when he nicely made the statement that 'the best researchers in the field tend to be very normal people'(p. 17). It is undeniable that a 'good enough mother' does not have to be experienced in child bearing and rearing before she can produce a healthy child.
'A good enough mom' or 'a good enough researcher' however cannot act unthoughtfully to her child. Similarly to the rationale and ways I have equipped my self with knowledge of child bearing and rearing, child development and education, good parenting, and so forth, I am fully aware of a responsibility for mastering research methodology. I am learning to become a good researcher. Characteristics I am learning to build for myself are as follows:
1. A genuine and strong curiosity of the topic
2. Common sense
3. Good ideas
4. Discipline and social responsibility
They are four characteristics of a good researcher put forward by Dornyei. I can never have them all overnight. Taking item 1 as an example, as I said above, the 'curiosity' I used to have for my labour was a fake one. Reasons for this fact are unavailable at this moment, but generally I can say I was mislead then. Dornyei is blessing me in multiple ways, but overall, i am building the good researcher's characteristics with confidence earned from reading his book.
The notion of 'good enough mother' or 'good enough parent' introduced by Winnicott (1965, cited by Dornyei, 2007) opens my eyes and triggers my 'research mind'. You dont have to be a 'Supermum' or 'Superdad' to produce a healthy child! Such a fabulous fact! I am an actual mom, and I thoroughly understand what it means by producing a healthy child without necessarily being a supermom, because it is as clear as the daylight that I am a normal mom who produces a very healthy son. I have to confess I have fallen in love with Dornyei when he nicely made the statement that 'the best researchers in the field tend to be very normal people'(p. 17). It is undeniable that a 'good enough mother' does not have to be experienced in child bearing and rearing before she can produce a healthy child.
'A good enough mom' or 'a good enough researcher' however cannot act unthoughtfully to her child. Similarly to the rationale and ways I have equipped my self with knowledge of child bearing and rearing, child development and education, good parenting, and so forth, I am fully aware of a responsibility for mastering research methodology. I am learning to become a good researcher. Characteristics I am learning to build for myself are as follows:
1. A genuine and strong curiosity of the topic
2. Common sense
3. Good ideas
4. Discipline and social responsibility
They are four characteristics of a good researcher put forward by Dornyei. I can never have them all overnight. Taking item 1 as an example, as I said above, the 'curiosity' I used to have for my labour was a fake one. Reasons for this fact are unavailable at this moment, but generally I can say I was mislead then. Dornyei is blessing me in multiple ways, but overall, i am building the good researcher's characteristics with confidence earned from reading his book.
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Just keeping research journalling
It has been three months or so since my studends and I last talked about the research projects. We have been silent for a while due to my slow progress or precisely a change of topic. We haven't done anything for our projects although the students used to be so eager to create accounts on Wikipedia and think of posting something there but I am not sure if there has been something done.
This time is the silence time as I said but it does not mean so in every sense of the word "silence". I believe what has been happening between us may say something for my thesis in the perspective of the teacher's role in L2 motivation. Silence does not mean no work, no communication, no feeling, or no acquisition (I am relating to the "silence period" in first language acquisition). Through Facebook as the major and actually sole means of communication, we are so in touch and more importantly getting a relationship stronger and stronger. Many factors as antecedents of motivation like vision, imagination, trust, hope, fantasy, ideality, and many more I believe, can be somehow achieved through our facebooking. Not intentionally do I communicate for the sake of my research but the communication has come very naturally due to the pleasure and love we have to each other. Exemplifying for this is the adoration they have to me as a superb cook and an academically successful person (as they said)though I am not that excellent and in return the admiration and love I have to them as intelligent and smart youths. Comments I have made in their postings at times add some value and trust to our relationship, which can hardly be obtained overnight.
It matters, in the perspective of motivation, that how to translate motivational factors into motivated behaviours. As a teacher, and possibly a friend of them, I believe all that has been happening in this silence time that counts.
This time is the silence time as I said but it does not mean so in every sense of the word "silence". I believe what has been happening between us may say something for my thesis in the perspective of the teacher's role in L2 motivation. Silence does not mean no work, no communication, no feeling, or no acquisition (I am relating to the "silence period" in first language acquisition). Through Facebook as the major and actually sole means of communication, we are so in touch and more importantly getting a relationship stronger and stronger. Many factors as antecedents of motivation like vision, imagination, trust, hope, fantasy, ideality, and many more I believe, can be somehow achieved through our facebooking. Not intentionally do I communicate for the sake of my research but the communication has come very naturally due to the pleasure and love we have to each other. Exemplifying for this is the adoration they have to me as a superb cook and an academically successful person (as they said)though I am not that excellent and in return the admiration and love I have to them as intelligent and smart youths. Comments I have made in their postings at times add some value and trust to our relationship, which can hardly be obtained overnight.
It matters, in the perspective of motivation, that how to translate motivational factors into motivated behaviours. As a teacher, and possibly a friend of them, I believe all that has been happening in this silence time that counts.
Thursday, 2 September 2010
As a researcher 2
A researcher's life of mine up till now has not happened in much boredom and hardship at all as I thought or imagined. Although the two discomforts are expected to last long, happy momments though short but has an impression even longer than the discomforts. It is weird that I ever wished the sleeping time had gone fast and the following morning had come right away so that I could fetch the computer as a means to express my happiness (on my personal blog)...
That was when I met my "lover". My heart was as if it jumped out of my chest in excitement. My fingers were trembling touching every piece of the "lover". I smiled pleasingly at the presence of the longed-for-so-long "lover". It was indeed the happiness of the person praying for the magic and the magic comes. It was now, in front of me, totally for me to enjoy and cherish, and to see a missing me in it. Thanks god for his blessing, to satisfy my hunger, my thirst, and my craving, to offset longest days of my depression and loneliness in the dark...
Here comes the warm bright sun, the loving company of a researcher's life, AN INSPIRING ARTICLE!
That was when I met my "lover". My heart was as if it jumped out of my chest in excitement. My fingers were trembling touching every piece of the "lover". I smiled pleasingly at the presence of the longed-for-so-long "lover". It was indeed the happiness of the person praying for the magic and the magic comes. It was now, in front of me, totally for me to enjoy and cherish, and to see a missing me in it. Thanks god for his blessing, to satisfy my hunger, my thirst, and my craving, to offset longest days of my depression and loneliness in the dark...
Here comes the warm bright sun, the loving company of a researcher's life, AN INSPIRING ARTICLE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)